1. I'm lazy. Occam's Razor -- the simplest answer is often the right one.
2. Why do we even moisturize our bodies? For one, my body skin has never felt tight the way my face skin occasionally can. I also don't feel that my body overproduces oil the way my face does if i don't keep it properly hydrated. There's probably a really good reason to moisturize your body but...see #1.
3. Fine, I occasionally experience flakiness in the winter (limited to the shin area), but I tend to solve that issue by exfoliating really well. Get yourself a Salux bath cloth -- you'll have the smoothest skin without having to deposit lotion over a square mile of skin. Also, your body wash will last longer since it creates lather like no loofah could ever aspire to.
4. I'm not exaggerating, I'm really tall and it's a lot of body to cover.
5. On the rare occasions I do moisturize, it's with Nuxe Huile Prodigieuse (get it here) and nothing else.